The Art of Banana Debauchery
by Pleasing.the.Yaoi.Gods
Summary: Tzusuki has the day off and is looking for something sweet when he runs into Muraki who offers to buy him a treat, and while Txusuki gets a delicous sundae Muraki's dining on something that makes Tzusuki very uncomfortable. Extra chapter uploaded
1. How to Eat a Banana

Author's note: Warning, squealy fits may ensue. Anywho please enjoy and review!

Tsuzuki was innocently strolling down the streets of some random, little village looking for some place to satisfy his ridiculous sweet tooth. It was a miracle that he had been able to escape work that day, but no one seemed to need him for anything nor was there any suspicious and disturbing activity that simply screamed, "WORK OF KAZUTAKA MURAKI" at the moment so he was free to pursue food for that day. It was a nice day, pleasant with the sun shining warmly on the small village and everything okay in the world.

"Hello Mr. Tsuzuki."

The shinigami froze in his tracks as that creepy yet somehow awesomely seductive voice assaulted him. He did not want to turn around, but he knew that even if he ran away at full speed the twisted man behind him would somehow capture him. While gauging how desperate the situation really was, his decision to run or stay was made for him when Muraki walked to his side.

"How nice to run into you on such a lovely day."

Tsuzuki turned some to look at the man with silver eyes. Muraki looked creepily stunning as always and of course he looked quite pleased to have run into Tsuzuki; though the brunette suspected that the doctor had somehow known that he would be there and followed him. Tsuzuki wasn't sure how Muraki managed this, but that made him no less suspicious.

"What do you want Muraki?" Tsuzuki growled, unhappy with this wonderful encounter (or so says this author, Tsuzuki will disagree with me, I am sure).

Muraki tutted and even looked vaguely offended. "I was merely taking a walk in this lovely, little village, perfectly innocent." Tsuzuki's left eyebrow twitched and he set his jaw, he neither trusted nor believed Muraki. "Oh dear you are already all wound up," the pale man said sweetly. "It is quite enjoyable to get you so bothered, Mr. Tsuzuki. Tell me, am I the only one who can do it so quickly?"

The comment caused Tsuzuki to blush furiously but also rallied him up even more. Why did Muraki always make him feel so funny and be able to mess with his emotions with great ease? It unnerved him.

"Let me buy you something sweet," Muraki said interrupting the food fanatic's train of thought once more. "You most likely came here for something delectable anyways, and I would like to satisfy your craving."

Damn you Muraki! Tsuzuki thought to himself. How did that man make something so innocent into something so dirty? "How do you know that I am not on a mission?" Tsuzuki asked.

"You are quite easy to read," Muraki said as though this information was obvious to anyone. "And besides I have been behaving as of late." This comment was accompanied by a disturbing smirk and his normal silver eye glittered secretly. Tsuzuki bit his bottom lip in frustration and indecision; on one hand he was being offered a free meal but on the other the person offering was Muraki who always had some sort of perverse intention behind all of his actions. Should Tsuzuki's love of food win over his discomfort with Muraki, or vice versa?

As before, Muraki made the choice for him by taking Tsuzuki's hand in his own, and leading him away. Tsuzuki immediately shook off Muraki's hand as it sent shivers down his spine, but followed him nonetheless. The aberrant man led Tsuzuki to a nice ice-cream shop that sat in-between a florist and a bakery. Inside it was mostly empty save for an old woman who was eating a sundae. "What do you desire?" Muraki asked as they walked inside, Tsuzuki frowned as he looked at the menu, completely lost to the double meaning of the silver-haired man's words and the fact that Muraki was surreptitiously creeping closer until their shoulders lightly touched. It took the shinigami a bit to figure out what he wanted, but when he did, his amethyst eyes widened in childish delight.

"Have you decided?" Muraki asked. Tsuzuki looked up at him with a blissful yet stupid smile on his face and nodded.

"This," the brown-haired man said, pointing at the item that made his mouth water in sinful anticipation.

"An excellent choice," Muraki said and then walked up to the cashier to order.

"What can I get you today, sir," the blonde girl behind the counter asked with a bright and brilliant smile, she was either smitten by his irresistible looks or simply sensed the awesomeness that radiated off of him.

"I would like a brownie sundae and a banana," Muraki said smoothly.

The girl blinked. "With the sundae?"

"No, just a banana alone, is that a problem?" he asked smiling in that blood chilling way. The girl shook her head and assured him that it wasn't a problem at all and she'd be happy to get him a plain banana. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on whose side your rooting for) Tsuzuki had been sitting down the entire time that Muraki made their order, and therefore the shinigami had not heard what the abnormally pale man had ordered.

Once the order was made, Muraki sauntered over to where Tzusuki was seated and sat across from the man that he was obsessed with. The sat in silence waiting for their treats to be done and delivered, Tzusuki spent the time looking around the ice-cream parlor so that he wouldn't have to look at Muraki who was hungrily eyeing his companion. When their food was placed in front of them Tzusuki squealed like a yaoi fan girl who has just discovered Junjuo Romanitca while Muraki simply smiled, watching as Tzusuki feasted upon his brownie sundae, taking his banana into his hands and patiently waited, waited for Tzusuki to look up so that he could commence his brilliant plan,

It took Tzusuki a minute or so before he actually looked up at Muraki out of curiosity to see what the doctor had ordered for himself, and when he did glance up he was very much surprised for Muraki was not, as Tzusuki had suspected, starring creepily at the brunette, but rather concentrating on peeling a large and ripe looking banana. Poor Tzusuki watched in horrific fascination as the silver haired man's long, pale fingers slowly removed the peel from the, in Tzusuki's mind, unfairly shaped fruit. As he witnessed this, Tzusuki concluded that it should be illegal for kinky doctors with a freaky big eye to be within a ten foot proximity of all bananas.

"Are you well Mr. Tzusuki?"

The sweet loving fool had to shake himself a little, and then, with great difficult, tore his eyes from Muraki's fingers and the yellow fruit they held, to Muraki's silver eye.

"W-what?"

"You seem nervous and you have a light sheen of sweat upon your lovely skin. You can take off your jacket if it's too uncomfortable for you."

Inside his mind Tzusuki was damning Muraki to the deepest pit of hell where this author's lawnmower currently resides. The banana peeler knew, he so KNEW, what was wrong with Tzusuki, but it seemed like the bastard was going to play innocent. Nevertheless, Tzusuki did take off his jacket to pretend that the sweat was due to the room's temperature, but in truth while he was feeling a bit hot it had absolutely nothing to do with the current temperature.

In a noble attempt to distract his thoughts, Tzusuki went back to his brownie sundae, but after a couple of delicious bites and far too few seconds for him to comfortably admit, his curiosity got the better of him and he glanced up once more.

Muraki now had the peel off and with what he was now doing there was no doubt left in Tzusuki's mind that the twisted murderer wanted the apple of his freakishly huge eye to watch this.

"Are you enjoying your sundae Mr. Tzusuki?" Muraki asked, his voice betraying nothing. Tzusuki nodded with a glare, but this only caused Muraki to smirk slightly, the only real inclination he had given thus far of being up to anything naughty. Then the abnormally pale man proceeded to bring the banana up to his lips and lick it. That's right he LICKED it.

Tzusuki stared at the innocent yet seductive act with his mouth hanging open slightly, the inside dry. He was half bewildered and half frustrated. Why couldn't his stalker just eat like a normal person, it was the wine glass scene all over again because no one really _needs_ to caress the stem of a wine glass that agonizingly slow nor did anyone really _need_ to lick a banana before eating it.

Back to Muraki's banana eating, he had now finished lacing his tongue around the tip of the banana and was now fitting his lips around the head of it, he then proceeded to bite down on his softly. The shinigami glared and squirmed in his seat. He tried, one last time, to divert his thoughts which were heading in a direction he never wanted them to go by taking a bite of scrumptious dark chocolate brownie with fudge that had gone lukewarm and a bit or nearly melted vanilla ice-cream, however not even the delectable taste could satisfy the new and bizarre craving that made Tzusuki's mouth water, all he could do now was watch, watch as the banana disappeared, inch by inch into Muraki's mouth. This, Tzusuki kept trying to tell himself, was completely wrong and utterly perverse and while he may be right he just couldn't stop watching.

Finally Muraki had swallowed the whole length and Tzusuki's body relaxed now that he was released from that sick yet creative form of torture.

"Forgive me that I did not bring you roses," Muraki said as his delicately wiped his fingers with a napkin. "Next time, though, i shall shower you with dozens of scarlet roses. Now, however, I regret to say that I must bid you a heartfelt adieu Mr. Tzusuki. I have an appointment to keep and i would hate for a little girl to die because I was pre-occupied, you understand, yes? Until next time Mr. Tzusuki." Muraki then got up and left, paying the bill on his way out.

As Tzusuki sat there a disturbing realization hit him, not only did he feel violated in ways to derogatory too mention and have a humiliating problem to deal with, the cause of both of these things occurred with Muraki not touching him once as they had eaten their treats. The shinigami looked down at his now unappealing brownie sundae and sighed, Muraki was truly the master of debauchery.

A/N: This has to be my favorite fanfic that I've ever written, seriously, and what makes me laugh even more is that as I wrote it my teacher thought I was writing a note and tried to read it. Of course I offered to let him, but I think it was my smile that tipped him off to pass on my offer. Anywho please review!


	2. How to Eat a Chocolate Banana

Author's note: I should be sleeping but then I listened to the sexiness that is Muraki's voice and so yeah I remembered the banana from my other fanfic and I just HAD to, plus so many of you put this story under story alert (are you all physic?). Anywho enjoy.

Tzusuki was sitting on a bench waiting for Hisoka to come back from interviewing a small old woman about a recent murder when an ice-cream vendor passed by. This of course spiked the brunette's sweet tooth and he immediately got up, hailing the small Japanese man.

"Hello," said the tiny man "What can I get for you?"

"Hmmm." Tzusuki looked at the menu pasted on the side of the cart, putting much consideration in choosing what frozen dessert he would enjoy that day. There were just so many good choices though! Should he have a strawberry cone or a green tea cone? Hmm green tea didn't seem sweet enough, maybe blueberry. Defiantly not wasabi or shrimp, that was not at all shrimp or octopus, yuck! Sometimes Tzusuki wondered why the Japanese would make something that ought to be so sweet and put it wish something so...fishy. It was beyond him.

"Hello Mr. Tzusuki, trying to decide on a summer time treat, are you?"

Shivers ran down Tzusuki's back, his soul feeling violated, though whether that was good or bad he did not want to contemplate; because yes behind him had appeared the ultimate seme in existence (in this author's not so humble opinion) Muraki.

"Hello sir would you like ice-cream too?" the little vendor asked orgasmic amazingness personified.

"Yes I would like the chocolate banana."

"An excellent choice, I just started selling them and they do seem to be most popular."

A strange need to escape overcame Tzusuki as he had flashbacks of the last time Muraki had a banana, but this time Tzusuki had no reason to stick around and watch Muraki eat his treat.

"And you Mr. Tzusuki?" Muraki asked. Tzusuki looked over at the silver haired demon and nearly took a step back from the overwhelming smile that directed at him.

"I-um."

"Something sweet, right? How about a strawberry cone then?"

Tzusuki narrowed his eyes at Muraki but nodded anyways. Something had just clicked in his normally absent-minded brain, he was investigating a murder and Muraki had just showed up, this could only mean that Muraki was up to no good again. That or he was just there to create sexual tension that left Tzusuki most confused afterwards, but for the sake of the shinigami's innocent mind we'll let him believe that it was not the latter.

"A strawberry cone then," Muraki told the vendor. The small man gave a nod, reached back into his cart and pulled out a strawberry cone, handing it to Tzusuki. Tzusuki gave him a suspicious look but took the ice-cream cone anyways because there was no way that Muraki could have done anything to the ice-cream seeing as Tzusuki had just watched him buy it from some random vendor so nothing bad could have been done to the ice-cream cone, right?

After the small vendor had left them Tzusuki rounded on Muraki, prepared to demand what he was up to but when he took in the sight of Muraki any intentions of being serious fled from his mind, rudely pushed out by very, very naughty thoughts which he had no idea his brain could even conjure.

Muraki stood there licking the melting chocolate off of the tip of the banana, his tongue ridiculously pink and looking oh so moist as it delicately removed the thick coating of chocolate off of the banana. It of course did not help that Muraki was starring straight at Tzusuki, his visible silver eye penetrating Tzusuki's soul, making the brunette feel as if the silver haired man could snatch up his innocence just with that wicked stare of his.

"Muraki?" Tzusuki squeaked, he had meant for it to come out seriously as he knew that he should not get distracted by such a thing, Muraki could not do this to him, no he would not allow it. Muraki was an evil man, bent on murdering people and causing Tzusuki pain, and not the kind that fangirls hope for.

"Yes Mr. Tzusuki?"

Gremlins could his voice get any more orgasm inspiring? That wasn't what Tzusuki was actually thinking but it should have been. No Tzusuki was telling his heart to calm down and for his mind to think straight, he was trying to solve a murder for Christ's sake!

"What are you doing here?"

Muraki did not answer right away; rather he delicately skimmed his teeth down the length of the banana, extracting the chocolate from the exterior of the naughty shaped fruit. This caused Tzusuki to have a mental lapse and notice that his pants were becoming slightly tighter. This disturbed the sweet loving fool as he had never thought of Muraki in such a way, but yaoi gods could the man ravish a banana and make a man, specifically Tzusuki, envy said fruit.

"I thought it was quite obvious," Muraki said after swallowing the bit of chocolate he had taken from the banana. "I was simply strolling by when I saw you and got the overwhelming desire for a chocolate banana."

As Muraki said this he made his way closer to Tzusuki, causing the brunette to back off of the trail they had been standing on and into the trees away from the public eye. The answer that the doctor gave caused Tzusuki to blush and not realize that he was being directed away from the public eye, but Tzusuki is a bit of an idiot so that is to be expected.

"Because you saw the ice-cream vendor, right?" the idiot said, his voice sounding slightly strangled.

"Mr. Tzusuki your ice-cream is melting."

Tzusuki looked down and sure enough his strawberry ice-cream had melted some, the sugary liquid dripping past the rim of the cone and onto the shinigami's hand that was clutching the cone almost too tightly.

"Oh."

"How disappointing and after I went to the trouble to buy it for you."

"I-I'm sorry," Tzusuki said. He knew what it was like to spend money on something sweet and then have it be wasted. Of course he never bought sweets for others but when he bought them for himself someone else always seemed to be taking it away from him. As the violet eyed shinigami lamented over his loss of sweets he did not notice Muraki reach out a slender, pale hand and was not made aware until he felt something cold wrap around his wrist.

"Well we can't let it go to waste now can we."

Tzusuki was speechless as he watched wide-eyed while Muraki brought up Tzusuki's hand to his mouth. Something was telling Tzusuki that he ought to yank his hand away but for some reason he found himself unable to move.

Muraki's tongue licked Tzusuki's skin, removing the melted ice-cream most sensually, prodding his tongue between Tzusuki's fingers, his tongue coming into contact with the rough texture of the cone. Tzusuki just couldn't help it, Muraki's tongue was by far the most knee weakening and instant hard on inspiring thing he had ever felt and so with his defenses so low he let out a tiny moan. He could practically _feel_ a smirk creep onto the cruel doctor's lips.

Tzusuki felt his hand being released as Muraki lifted his eye to Tzusuki's violet ones. "There," he said and then stepped back. Tzusuki's heart felt like it was going the speed of a cute boy running from a yaoi fangirl who has a yaoi paddle in hand and his face was flushed in a most deliciously uke way. "Oh dear," he heard Muraki say, disappointedly.

It took some strength but the shinigami managed to tear his mental focus away from his crotch and thoughts of Muraki's tongue and when he did he saw that Muraki was looking at his watch. "I have a very important appointment in an hour so I must part from you, but I am glad that we were able to enjoy our treats together before I had to leave Mr. Tzusuki."

"Huh?"

Muraki simply chuckled and then in one smooth move he brought the banana whose chocolate coating was beginning to melt into his mouth, taking it all in completely. Tzusuki watched, astonished as Muraki closed his lips beneath the base of the banana and then a few seconds later pull out the wooden stick that the banana had been skewered upon.

"Goodbye Mr. Tzusuki. I do hope that I will be able to enjoy your company again in the near future."

Tzusuki wasn't able to say anything, he was just too mind fucked at the moment and far too aroused and not entirely sure if he was OK with it say anything. Muraki gave that wonderful chuckle of his and then walked off leaving the shinigami to stand there unsure of what to do with himself.

By the time that the apple of Muraki's bulbous yet AWESOME eye came to his senses the rest of his ice-cream cone had melted, but that was the least of his worries. He felt so dirty, and it wasn't due to the sticky mess on his hands.

"Tzusuki where are you?"

Tzusuki shook his head trying to shoo away all of the unwanted thoughts that were pulsating in his mind and stepped back into public view. He saw Hisoka wandering down the path, looking for his idiot partner.

"There you are," Hisoka said in that wonderfully yangsty voice of his. "What happened to you I told you to wait on that bench for me." Tzusuki tried to explain but Hisoka just sighed and cut his partner off. "I can see from your hand that you got distracted. Well the old lady was no help at all so we should just go back to the hotel and go over what we have so far. You might also want to wash your hands."

"That sounds good, though I'll probably take a bath."

Hisoka shrugged, he did not even want to know. "Whatever let's just go before it gets dark."

"Alright," Tzusuki said, his air-headed attitude slowly coming back as he teleported away with Hisoka. Still despite his personality reverting back to its usual spacey and easily irritated self Tzusuki knew that his mind and body would probably never be the same again, not even after the bath he planned on taking.

A/N: he he he he. Gremlins do I miss writing pervy stuff. Also sorry for any mistakes it's late well technically it's early (6am) but I haven't slept thanks to my friend and this fanfic. Anywho please review :)


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